I'll Think of Something Later...
australiansquid

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The Knight Commander presiding over Camp Dragonhead has become quite diligent in his administrative duties as of late.

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Haurchefant has our back 100% after The Banquet™

crescent-lockhart97

Random First Class Trio + Zack Headcanons #3: Crack Version

Angeal:

  • His favorite workout song is "YMCA" by Village People.
  • He's definitely knocked out Wutai soldiers like this:
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  • Somebody once mistook him as Zack's father due to similarities in their features. He didn't even try to correct them.
  • His sneeze is louder than the Krakatoa explosion.
  • Rickrolled everyone by singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley at a company gala while he was drunk. (Sephiroth and Genesis didn't speak to him for a month. 💀💀)
  • Makes terrible dad jokes that even Zack cannot stomach. (He's definitely done that "Hi, hungry! I'm dad!" shit with Zack. 😂😂)

Genesis:

  • He is a big Fergie fan and knows her songs by heart. He can also rap that part in "Fergalicious."
  • He did an iconic dance number to "Umbrella" with Andrea Rhodea at the Honeybee Inn like this:
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Originally posted by patd--phan

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Originally posted by thebossiswrongasrain

  • He also likes Lady Gaga and blasts "Bad Romance" every time he and Sephiroth spar with each other.
  • He hates horror movies. He's the loudest out of the trio when watching them (he's either screaming at the characters or at the monsters/ghosts).
  • Aside from LOVELESS, he also quotes "Mean Girls" on the regular. (Guess who he quotes the most... 😉😉)
  • Totally has a blog for Shinra blinds just because (basically who's dating or fucking who, juicy stuff on important Shinra officials and staff, etc.). He once published a blind on Rufus defacing one of President Shinra's statues with a drawing of a dick. No matter how many times Shinra has gotten it shut down, Genesis somehow manages to keep on reviving it. Recently, Kunsel and some members of Red Leather have joined his team.

Sephiroth:

  • Can't stand spicy food. He avoids it as much as he can. Eating spicy foods will cause his eyes to water and his nose to redden like this:
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(Genesis managed to snap an unfortunate photo of him dying from the spiciness of the curry and sent it to the Silver Elite fanclub with the caption, "IS THIS YOUR KING???" 🤭🤭)

  • Somehow, he has the most wins in UNO and Monopoly.
  • Catwoman is his favorite DC character; Black Cat is his favorite Marvel character. (Gee, I wonder why... 🤔🤔)
  • Whenever he goes outside, a horde of cats just mysteriously flock to him. Genesis and Angeal find it both amusing and creepy. (My aunt is actually like this. Wherever she goes, cats mysteriously gather around her, it's so freaky! 😭😭😭)
  • He can actually do the lazy eye trick, and loves to freak Genesis out with it.
  • He once dressed as Sadako/Samara Morgan from "The Ring" for the Halloween costume contest... and WON.

Zack:

  • Has sung "Jenny" by The Click Five using a shortened version of Genesis's name to annoy him. ("I'm standing still, Genny!" "Be quiet, you overgrown mutt!" "You got me on my knees, Genny!")

(This ends up with Genesis summoning Ifrit on Zack's ass 😂😂)

  • He and Kunsel quote Vines all the time, usually around any of the First Class Trio or Lazard just so they could revel in their confused faces.

Zack and Kunsel: *to Angeal* You are my daaaaad! You're my dad! Boogie woogie woogie!!!

Angeal:

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Originally posted by profoundheartsublime

  • Once, after getting drunk during the SOLDIER game night, he and the lower-class SOLDIERs thought it was a good idea to go sledding down the building stairs, so they brought mattresses from their dorms to use as makeshift sleds. Needless to say, the infirmary reached full capacity that night.
  • On April Fools' Day, he somehow managed to hijack Shinra's PA system and started playing "Careless Whisper" on full blast.
  • He's a massive Pokémon fanboy and knows the Pokémon Theme Song by heart. In fact, he has his contacts named after Pokémon: Angeal is Machamp, Sephiroth is Mewtwo, Genesis is Charizard, Tseng is Umbreon, Aerith is Jigglypuff, Cloud is Pikachu, etc.
  • Threw an apple at Hojo and left a shitload of Legos all over his lab for subjecting Sephiroth to a particularly painful physical test.
phantomyre

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Just messing with shading.

If anyone wants to color this in, have at it. I may or may not color it in. And yes, I left my signature out. Feel free to tag me if you do choose to color it!

What was Zack's most elaborate and oddly complex prank he somehow managed to pull on the Firsts?

Anonymous
rottenpumpkin13

The Pregnancy Prank


[Zack and Cissnei are at Zack’s apartment. Cissnei is calling Angeal from her phone because he doesn’t have her number saved and he won’t recognize her voice]

[The phone is ringing. Zack is silently laughing]

[Angeal picks up]

Angeal: Hello?

Cissnei: Good afternoon. Am I speaking to Zackary Fair?

Angeal: ….No?

Cissnei: This is the number I was given under the name Zackary Fair.

[There’s a pause. Cissnei signaling for Zack to stop laughing]

Angeal: Who am I speaking to?

Cissnei: This is Bethany Waters from Midgar Parental Planning. Miss Aerith Gainsborough had her ultrasound this afternoon and asked us to call you about the results.

[There’s an even bigger pause. Heavy breathing is heard on the other line. This time Cissnei has to cover her mouth to keep herself from laughing. Zack is silently losing it]

Angeal: Is this—what did he—I mean, what is this about? Genesis, take this I’m about to throw up.

[There’s shuffling from the other end. Zack and Cissnei are both dying]

Genesis: Hello? Who is—Angeal are you having a panic attack!? Hi, who is this?

Cissnei: Good afternoon. I’m Bethany Waters from Midgar Parental Planning. Am I speaking to Zackary Fair?

Genesis: By the goddess you’re kidding me. Oh shit. Oh shit. Fuck me. You’re kidding.

[Cissnei miraculously keeps a poker face. Zack is on the floor clutching his stomach. There’s a third voice on the other end that sounds like Sephiroth. He’s asking what’s going on]

Cissnei: Sir? Sir, who am I speaking to?

Genesis: Shit! Uh…uh… I’m Zack’s uncle. I’ll relay the message to him. What does this pertain—Sephiroth, Angeal has turned blue—what does this pertain to?

Cissnei: Aerith Gainsborough’s ultrasound results.

Genesis: HE KNOCKED HER UP

[Cissnei once again slaps her hand over her mouth. Zack is red in the face from trying to keep himself quiet. Genesis is still screaming on the other end while a garbled commotion is heard]

Genesis: SHE’S PREGNANT. HE’S A KID. SHE’S A KID. WE’RE ALL GONNA GET SUED TO BY THE COMPANY—ANGEAL! SEPHIROTH, HE PASSED OUT—*shuffling sounds*—I’M GOING TO SET HIS ASS ON FIRE—*shuffling sounds*—IRRESPONSIBLE—*shuffling and the sound of Angeal crying*—I’M GOING TO KILL HIM!

[Zack is crying with laughter. Cissnei is taking several deep breaths to keep herself calm. There’s more shuffling and then someone else picks up the phone]

Sephiroth: Hello? This is Zackary Fair speaking.

Cissnei: Great! I’m calling to give you Miss Gainsborough’s ultrasound results.

Sephiroth: Alright. What’s the diagnosis?

[Genesis’s voice is heard in the background: “IT’S A BABY NOT A DISEASE YOU DIMWIT! PUT IT ON SPEAKER!”]

Cissnei: She found out she’s having triplets.

Sephiroth: Alright.

Genesis: HOW DID HE MANAGE THAT!??

Angeal: *crying noises*

Cissnei: It’ll be three boys.

Sephiroth: Alright.

Genesis: SEPHIROTH HE PASSED OUT AGAIN.

Cissnei: Congratulations!

Sephiroth: Alright.

Cissnei: She’s also asked us to relay a message regarding the baby’s names.

Sephiroth: Alright.

Cissnei: It reads here she’s thinking of naming them Angeal, Sephiroth and Genesis.

Sephiroth: Alright. One moment please.

[There’s another huge pause. Then the sound of something heavy falling is heard, Genesis screaming, followed by the phone falling on the ground. Genesis’s muffled voice comes on]

Genesis: Hello? Hi, Bethany, dear? I have to go. Two grown men are passed out on my kitchen floor and I still have a teenager to find and maim. Do you mind calling back later? Thanks.

[The line goes dead]

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